Funny Facebook Status

Funny Messages - Very Funny Quotes - Funniest Greetings & Wishes

When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?

Sorry about those texts I sent you last night, my phone was drunk.

We are WTF generation …. WhatsApp, Twitter and Facebook :D

Having a best friend with the same mental disorder is a blessing. LOL

It’s been 70+ years, Tom. You’re never going to eat Jerry :)

I want some one to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone. :)

There’s like 7 billion people in this world and no one wants to date me. I hate this world … huh

Dear Lord, all I ask for a chance to prove that winning the lottery won’t make a bad person.

I don’t usually sleep enough, but when I do, it’s still not enough ;)

My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it. lolz

The only thing I gained so far in 2013 is weight :)

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

TODAY has been cencelled. Go back to BED :)

I’ve had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. :)

Some people should have multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities.

At least mosquitos are attracted to me.

Laughing at your own texts before you send them because you are so damn funny.

I really need 5 hours of Facebook to balance out my 5 minutes of studying.

It is a sad fact that 20% of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the remaining end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones.

When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?

Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up. :D

Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. :)

My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it. lol

If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either :)

I am not addicted to Facebook. I only use it when I have time . . . . . . . . . lunch time, break time, bed time, this time, that time, any time, all the time. :)

Todays Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.

I am sure I have a defective iphone, I keep pressing the home button and I’m still at work.

Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by his parents anymore.

The most powerful words other than I LOVE YOU is “Salary is Credited” :)

Is there anything more awkward than when you are singing along to a song on youtube and the music stops loading.

Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.

Flirtationship: More than a friendship and less than a relationship.

Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.

In bed, it’s 6AM you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s 7:45. At school it’s 1:30, close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s 1:31

I wonder what happens when doctor’s wife eats an apple a day. :)

GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.

I only need 3 things in life: Food, Wifi, Sleep :)

Boys, if you don’t look like calvin klein models, don’t expect us to look like victoria secrets angels. (From All Bachelor Girls Association) :)

A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.

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